I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
