birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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