Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
