Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
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