I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
