Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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