Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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