i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
