Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
