went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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