Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
