even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
