Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wish you could order shots online.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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