can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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