I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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