You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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