Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
