im having a threesome with these popsicles
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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