Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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