Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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