My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my phone needs a breathalizer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
porn star boner night. come get it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
