There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
