every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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