I hate your face
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
