You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
