Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
