I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
