I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
why do cheetos always look like penises
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
