so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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