Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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