Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
