i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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