Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I believe in your delicious
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
