It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
