well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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