Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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