Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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