You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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