someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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