I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
