I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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