this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
