I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
