The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
