If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
