her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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