that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
