Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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