once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
