this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How does one acquire holy water?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
