you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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