Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
