the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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