i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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