She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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