So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
