My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
