oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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