All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
